Green Terror: The Hugmonster Origin



(NOTE: This is technically 'fanfiction' at the moment, as it has not been agreed or even discussed)

You turn on your holoviewer and start flipping through the available channels. Those politicians that keep popping up in about any alien Civ empire, don't they always end up saying something like "Image viewing and other such forms of "unproductive" entertainment will be a thing of a past in the bright future!"? Heh, it's always ironc...

You stop channel surfing when you come across the HK (Halcyon-Klaxxon) Network. They often have historical showings, whether there's enough information to really prove them or not. Their strong usage of that "based on historical evidence" excuse and all their "dramatic retellings" kinda bugs you sometimes, but at least it's not as boring as school academy.

Huh, tonight's (or whatever time it is) show is "Green Terror: The Hugmonster Origin". Man, those hugger guys are real jerks. Right up there with the Grox and those brown-nosing waiters at those fancy restaurants who expect, like, a 25% tip. Well, you don't feel like changing the channel now, so you guess you'll just get comfortable..

[narrator]

"The Hugmonsters. Who are they? How did they become the menace they are today? What do they really want? On this solar rotation, we bring you the answers to these burning questions and more in the HKN-exclusive, "Green Terror: The Hugmonster Origin". This program may be unsuitable for younglings under the age of 370 insufblion cycles, as it contains violence, gore, and disturbing images."

"Until recently, the enigma of the Hugmonster empire remained shrouded in the fog of war, due to their hostility toward outsiders. Even the information they did release publicly was often tinted with half-baked truths and sweet nothings. But now, due to the finding of investigation/exploration greats like Spordiana Jonez, Kwinex9451, Shereluck Holems, and other brave beings, we finally have the true history of this powerful empire, from its first steps out of the primordial ooze to their earliest galactic conquests."

"On stardate XX974, Sporediana Jonez, along with a excavation crew from the Beloude Institute, touched down on Quoncurdia, originally a long-standing Hugmonster stronghold, now dotted with smoldering craters where their buildings were bombed to submission. But Jonez is not here for war, however. She received a call twenty hours earlier when the military force that bombed the planet reported of some dated entrances and engravings that had been buried underneath one of the largest structures, now uncovered due to the attack. Thankfully, the military allowed Jonez full control over the site, since they did not detect any leftover security defenses. When she touches down, she was greeted by the smell of natural smog, ash-metals, and the retortedly-distincive smell of "history". As she observed one of the openings, she blah blah blah..."

...
 * Ok, now it's starting to sound less like documentary to you, and more like a mystery movie you recently watched. You also decide it's probably a safe time to go prepare some viewing-munchies, since you haven't eaten since that last energy-depot.*
 * Mmm, the smell of spopcorn is always a welcome scent to you. Oh! You just remembered that the show was still going! Hope it didn't get to far.. Phew, you just got back before a commercial ended. Maybe they got past all that hoeney-spalony by now..*

[narrator]

"After emerging from the Hugmonster ruins with many grav-carts of important artifacts and documents, Spordiana Jonez was greeted by something even more unexpected then what she saw in the ruins: Massive ships on the horizon, their coloring and design distinct even from their vast distance: A HM consort had returned to the planet to snuff out the military presence that had but a few solar rotations ago captured Quoncurdia. After the urging of what was left of their military escort, the dig team loaded what they had found into their ship and quickly flew to the nearest neutral-zone planet. Once there, they were congratulated on their find, and the artifacts they had found were shipped to the top research facilities in the quadrant. But, two solar rotations later, upon asked how the soldiers on Quoncurdia fared after the the Hugmonster retaliation, Jonez learned that the military force had successfully staved off the re-invasion, but not before they bombed key locations on the planet with Ad-Hox weapons, including the ruins. The stone and clay of the site stood no better than anything else there, and it all quickly dissolved into a massive crater on the surface. Nothing else was recovered."

"But the expedition had hardly been a loss. Information gleaned from the documents plus creation-lineage dating techniques proved to be invaluable. Some of the Hugmonster artifacts they found had been existing since their first major community formed on their home planet, Hugus. Some of the oldest information, however, was found on encrypted databanks that had been apparently created by an alien species that had watched the Hugmonsters development over the eons, nowadays the field is referred to as "evo-watching". It was only later that it was discovered why these artifacts were here in the first place: According to translated maps found along with the other objects, the early Hugmonster empire had colonized outward along their galactic arm, before focusing more toward the galactic core. Quoncurdia, as it turned out, used to be more of a central location in the empire then it was now, and had been a prime location for some of the earliest colonies, which were first constructed using local materials. It also seemed to scientists and historians, aided by the archeological find, that it was also a trusted location for storing important data, including records of their history, due to the territorial position it once held.”

“The earliest records of Hugmonster history from the databanks recovered in the ruins indicated that their evolution took the average amount of time when compared the average, providing evidence that a monolith was not dropped during their development. It seemed as though whoever watched the Hugmonsters either did not approve of using them in the first place, were just plain lazy, or that they were convinced otherwise not to speed their evolution…” “Now, for the first time in broadcasting ever, the true origin of the Hugmonster..”

" *WARNING* The following documentary reenactment is based entirely on data retrieved from the expedition and already-existing knowledge. Only the names of individuals have been changed to protect the innocent. Ok, not really, it’s just that they were really hard to pronounce correctly.”

[narrator]

“The stardate is XXX37, the location: Planet Hugus. The atmosphere is humid and smelly, and swamps litter the landscape. Out of one of slightly cleaner sludge-puddles, the primordial ancestors of the [scientific Hugmonster name] emerged. From there, they developed as normally as most bipeds do; obtaining legs first, then hands, then numerous spiky things, then various frilly things, then wings, following with a mass suicidal-attempt to migrate over a local sea, then normalization. By this time, the Hugmonster appeared nearly-identical to today’s green killer, with the exception of hairier bodies. Surprisingly enough, the Hugmonsters developed into a very sociable species, learning early-on that gently surrounding someone’s body and holding them close(but not attempting to eat them) was a near-universal sign of goodwill. Because of this, they had little conflict with about any species they encountered, as they would simply hug them enough to convice them they were neither predator or prey. With everyone on their side, they had no trouble finding food, nesting grounds, or anything else they needed. They even could take food from another species’ stockpile and not worry of being denied. Whatever they desired, they seemed to always get. Those times of bliss, however, were about to end..”

“Near the end of a collection-walk, where the Hugmonsters roamed the land daily to seek out food (mostly from other species, as they did little for getting food themselves), the alpha decides to take a different route back to the nest. On the way there, however, they discover something extraordinary; A pile of fruit. Not just any fruit, however. These fruit were from the highest of the treetops, and had grown to enormous size. This massive hoard of fruit could have only been reached by a behemoth of similar ratio. Sure enough, a massive herbivorous Epic was resting near the pile. Not wasting any time, the Hugmonster pack ambled up to the treasure-trove to take their wanted portion. The beast, sensing their presence, reared up and hissed at the group, essentially giving them a warning to stay away from its food. Oblivious to this threat, however, they continue to saunter-up. On all fours now, the Epic swings its huge tail at the pack, scattering them a little distance away. This is nothing new to the Hugmonsters, however, as they often had to calm more territorial creatures with hugs before they could take from their food. With surprising speed, the pack leaps on the Epic, hugging it all around to try and calm it. The Epic is not fond of their embraces, however, and begins to thrash about, attempting to throw them off its body. The Hugmonsters continue to embrace the huge creature, which is more than 5 times their size. Their desire for the massive fruit drives them to hug as much as they can, but to no avail. The alpha then climbs up to the back of the creature, and ascends its neck to just underneath the head in attempt to befriend the creature quickly. With brute strength, he wraps his arms around the neck of the Epic and hugs with great force. The Epic is thoroughly panicking now, as would anyone with something literally choking them, and begins to run about, running into trees and cliff sides. With all of his strength, the alpha squeezes the neck of the huge beast to try and finally pacify it, with greater and greater pressure until..”

"*snap*"

“The crisp sound travels through the treetops, sending anything resting nearby into sudden alertness. The thrashing of the beast stops, and it slumps to the ground, motionless. With that, the Hugmonsters crawl off its body. They appear to have no interest in why the Epic started to “sleep” right-then, only that they now have nothing in their way of taking the fruit. After returning to their nest with a fraction of all the food, the rest of the nest, having received less then they usually did from their collection-walks, followed the alpha back to the massive pile. Cautiously, the alpha moves up to the fruit to make sure the beast will not mind them. The corpse does not move, however, and they end up taking nearly a third of the pile back to their nest.”

“Over the next two days, they came back to the pile and took their fill of fruit, with the Epic as motionless as ever. The third day, however, the body of the Epic is clearly showing signs of decay, with putrid odor, swelling due to maggots, and bits of its body torn off by scavengers. By this point, and having the brain capacity to comprehend it, the Hugmonsters realize that the beast did not sleep, but died, when they first encountered it, by their hugging hands non-the-less. The largest correlation they seem to have made, however, is that the beast made no effort to limit how much food they took when it was down, compared to the guardianship of creatures who were alive and well.”

“Angry creature equaled No Food, Happy Creature equaled Some Food, ...and Dead Creature equaled All Food…”

“And with that, a sudden change of lifestyle was made in their nest: No longer satisfied with what they were allowed, the pack of Hugmonsters ended up snapping the spines of any creatures that got in their way of taking food, eventually attacking right away before any conflict appeared. Not long afterwards, other nests began to mimic their successful raids, and they collectively sent many species on their continent into extinction through either direct slaughtering, or through lack of available food. Strong arms became a must for alphas, and the species as a whole gained much strength. Their skin also lost practically all of their fur for undocumented reasons around this time.”

“The massive influx of food, plus its easy acquisition led to increased brain-growth and intelligence, with complete sentience finally launching them into the Tribal Phase.”

“At this phase of their evolution, the Hugmonster species was at the peak of brutality. Not only did they have the strength to overcome their foes, but they began to develop the strategies to utilize it to greater potential. A notable chief from the late-Tribal Phase, Koolasuch, created a tactic that used deception to a large degree when “greeting” newly-discovered tribes of other species, used around stardate XXX46. A raiding party would happily skip into an unsuspecting village, wielding nothing but heavy clothing and many instruments. Once they were noticed, they played music of any kind desired until the village was in awe of their “1337 muzac skillz”, and were otherwise very friendly. They would then attempt to gently hug as many important-appearing villagers at the same time, or whoever was standing around. When they were all in a hugging stance, they would then snap the spines of whomever they were hugging, and proceed to raid the village, shedding their clothing to reveal crude-but-effective weapons. The raiding parties of Hugmonsters usually were either close or at least the size of whatever small villages they raided, so the mass-hug would virtually eliminate at least half of the population.”

“Meanwhile, back at their village, life was equally-unpeaceful. Females competed against others for food to feed their respective families. Children were usually sent on hunting trips to develop their fighting skills. During the Tribal Phase, the Hugmonster population began to eat meat, but only to a limited degree, as they preferred sweeter foods. Food began to be scarce to find, so meat was mostly a minor supplement to their diets. Hugmonster villages in close proximity usually ended up fighting for dominance, with causalities keeping the populations down enough to prevent starvation from over-population.”

“Due to the warrior-mentality of the race, little if none of their resources went toward improving their overall lifestyle through technological means. The most successful villages were usually the most secluded, far from other competing tribes scattered across the planet at this time, and thus were able to support a larger population. From one of these largest villages, the concept of a “civilization” appeared, and the dawn and rise of a new Phase was approaching.”

“On the 6th day of Hugtober, on stardate XXX98, the inauguration of the “City of Hughon”’s walls took place. 4 years prior, construction began on the city’s massive wall, which was the first of its kind. Hugon had developed from a large village into a huge settlement, due to abundant food supplies, which were beginning to be supplied by farms outside the village. The warriors of Hugon had managed to clear out any other villages on their continent, so raids were a thing of past, and more permanent structures began to be built. With abundant food at their disposal again, their technological development began to increase in speed. With that came advancements such as improved living conditions, an established writing system, better structures, and better-tasting food, which was adored in Hugmonster society, about as much as fighting and relaxing.”

“The construction of Hughon’s wall was ordered by Grand Elder Caecil, the most prominent leader of the village. Under his guidance, not only were militaristic campaigns successful, but the organization of the commoners was fluid well. He ruled with a an iron glove-hand, with those who did not follow commands were sent to die in cruel ways, often publicly, to demonstrate that he took the matter of his people’s loyalty seriously, compared to the limited control of villages other elders had. He also assigned some of the brighter Hugmonsters to work on such things as better weapons and ways to get more food, instead of the usual forager or warrior lifestyles others of smaller villages were forced into. Their work helped greatly in Hugon’s growth, and more specialists were appointed to keep working on more advancements.”

“The wall was made of simple bricks at the time, since they had not yet discovered all the essentials to metallurgy, which would enable better tools and complex stone structures. It was commissioned when spies returned to Caecil reporting of villages still being formed even though they had wiped out those that attempted to settle near their secluded area. Upon hearing this, Caecil’s advisors concluded there was still more villages farther on, too numerous to keep attacking. Instead of protecting their village’s survival solely by elimination of rivals, they suggested that another means be found in-case that they could not keep them from discovering their location. Upon questioning his specialists about this problem, they soon responded with the idea of putting up a barricade around the village to discourage enemies from attacking from any side. With previous discoveries such as the bow and arrow, he had little reason to disagree with them, and ordered commoners to begin constructing the wall according to the specialists’ demands. Even while their large raiding party reported of an actually-limited number of villages left on their small continent, construction was already well-underway. While the village grew, the wall expanded to reach around it, eventually reaching the coast they were situated near.”

“By the time reports the raiding party, now dubbed “The Army” (because it was symbolically the arm that Caecil’s Iron Glove-Hand was attached to), and from numerous spies came in reporting that there were no more villages left, the wall was already complete and other structures built for the Elder himself. With confidence of that there was no more competition on his land, he tasked his specialists to find ways of circumventing the water that surrounded their continent, in an effort to reach new lands and find out where else other Hugmonster tribes dwelled, since primitive canoes from coastal villages were sent out occasionally when there was not enough resources for all the villagers to survive.”

“Less than 2 years later, the first wind-assisted ships set out from Hughon, usually containing scouting parties, but then eventually warriors and etc. when other lands were discovered. Occasionally, boats went missing, and “survivors” from them claimed that powerful storms raged farther on, huge vicious beasts lurked in the waters, and jagged rocks along the shores often threatened to sink their ships. While all of these things existed, in actuality, a portion of those who set sail disbanded and instead took over villages themselves, and used their advanced knowledge to further themselves in their new positions of power, practically free from the Elder’s rule.” “While Caecil would have eventually investigated these disappearances, he ended up dying of old age, and his successor, due to growing up in a privileged and rich environment, placed less emphasis on empire control and such, and more concern to things that filled the coffers. With the sudden slack on control, illegal immigration increased, and eventually other large settlements formed, eventually reaching sizes and designs similar to Hughon. Their beliefs often differed from the homevillage, however. Some were even more despot then Hughon, while some favor slightly-less cruel government then of what they were used to under Caecil, although those were usually conquered by more aggressive neighbors. The reign of Hughon as the center of global-Hugmonster dominance came to a close, and while the planet experienced relative peace during this time, it was only the beginning of the Civ Phase.”

“Stardate XX234 marks the beginning of “The Great World Hug”, the massive war that was ignited by the largest civilizations in a bid to finally unite the globe under their own rule, one that set practically every nation aflame, one that bitterly burned until stardate XX567. Technology was vastly ahead of that when Caecil first reigned supreme. Battles began to be fought on chariots pull by creatures, then with cannons, and resulting with early vehicles running on steam generated from various combustibles, which scientists at the time thought was “T0ta11y U83R”, but the general populace considered them not exactly useful due to the variety of engine-types, and clichéd at worst. (plus, wooden structures were the norm at the time, so burning something on them was out of the question) The long, often stagnant war called for new advancements periodically to up the ante against the enemy, with turtling a familiar tactic for any military general, even if it was considered cowardly. This thinking led to need of better defenses, and beginnings of advanced metallurgy. Of course, proponents of steam-engines predicted that “the world would finally put the awesomeness that is steam to work” since setting the vehicle aflame wouldn’t be an issue anymore, but by that time, combustible liquids such as crude oil had been discovered, leaving steam-fueled engines in the dust behind liquid-fuel mechanics.”

“When General Ottic Uon Handruck received his promotion to High General of Blangridah’s army, the stardate was XX556, and the warring countries were getting desperate. Continual war for so many generations had left their economies, histories, and overall societies ravaged. Some of the less-fortunate nations even had to rely on primitives such as wooden canoes, wooden wagons, wooden houses, and other things based on wood, since the industries that produced and fabricated metal parts were usually also “kaput”. These less-fortunates usually didn’t have to suffer long though, because they were usually “liberated” swiftly by any larger or more-advanced nations nearby. While this meant that those of the conquered nation would be forced to fight and work for their “liberator”, the prospect of having better living conditions and a better lifestyle overall due to better technology (or a greater combined populace, which would allow, in theory, for a stronger economy and industry) usually overcame that moral problem. While in reality, the majority of the conquered nation usually did not receive these benefits, it did not deter many from preemptively joined more powerful nations. A major reason for this was likely due to higher officials being bribed into moving polices and agendas in favor of “liberation through unity”. General Handruck had received much overall tuition while in military school, so he already knew of this corruption present in practically every court hearing, and he was appalled. He believed that everything should be transparent, that any motives should be publicly visible, that those who hide are cowards, and are worthless. While, ironically, he kept most of these feelings to himself while a youth, he decided that this time was opportune to use his new power to finally end this foolish war.”

“As High General, Hendruck has virtually total control over the militia of Blangridah. Despite his government’s disapproval, he himself usually contacted the leader of the force he was currently fighting to state his intentions and (the enemy’s) terms of surrender. (and describing in detail the massiveness of the army under his control) Within a few years, he had successfully captured Blangridah’s neighbors, which, while still only composing a small section of the continent those countries were on, was still a record-breaking achievement at the time. Little could the world have guessed that this would be merely a side-note compared to his greater feats.. “ “As he had predicted to himself, while these countries were converted into vassals, their overall society was unchanged. The highest standards of living were usually located either at the capital of Blangridah or at other governmentally-important locations, and the lowest standards around the vassal countries, especially near their outer borders. The reason Handruck predicted this was not only his education, but the fact that he had seen it occur in nearly every other major militaristically-active country. Due to the build-up of wealth and resources where the bureaucrats were, little was left for elsewhere. This, in-turn, made the vassals weak, and they were often captured and recaptured by opposing forces because they could not be defended well enough. This was one of the main reasons why the Great World Hug lasted for so long, since conquered territory was usually only able to be kept for short periods of time. When Handruck vouched to distribute resources to the vassels, however, the government was adamant, and nothing was done. Sullen, he, in secret (again, ironically), acquired printing machines and started to mass-distribute pamphlets anonymously across Blangridah and its vassals, which proclaimed the lies and corrupt activities of the government, things that the commoners were often not aware of. While this did get the minds of some people moving, the pamphlets were labeled by the government first as unintelligent rumors and dismissed, then propaganda from enemy countries and banned from public display. At this time, Handruck began recruiting groups of people who believed that they were wronged by the government (again, anonymously, but he had figured by now that some secrecy was needed to ultimately reveal all in the end) to cause riots in the night and destroy the buildings that housed the “False-tongued Bureaucracy”. The government, in turn, began to increase the police forces across Blangridah, and because to investigate the source of these rioters. While Handruck was impressed that the government was actually showing some initiative for once, he knew he needed to complete his goal before he was found out and tried in their ‘Hugaroo’ courtrooms.”

“He carefully constructed a scheme that would allow a “staged” robbery of a military warehouse by the rioters to occur, and for them to lay siege to the building that contained the High Council of Blangridah, which was located practically at the heart of Blangridah itself. He planned this to all occur while he was leading a campaign to recapture a vassal country elsewhere, thus he could not be identified as the source of this commotion before the rioters captured all the High Councilmen.”

“When he returned, he found that the area that the area where the attack had happened was still surrounded by scores of onlookers. As soon as he was noticed, however, the media did not hesitate to quiz him on the hostage situation, and his possible connection to it. Unfazed and walking past them, he and his company broke through the crowd and ascended the steps. When one of the rioters guarding the door spotted the General, he was quick to prop his weapon up and call for backup. Unfazed, Handruck inquired if he could speak to one of their leaders. When they presented one (while still keeping their sights on his head), Handruck made what was noted as “a peculiar gesture” with his hand. At once, the leader knew who he truly was, and ordered his fellow rioters to stand down, despite his utter shock at the realization. With that taken care of, Handruck was escorted along with his company through the hallways that led to where they were keeping the High Councilmen.”

“While the High Councilmen were at first relieved at the sight of General Handruck, they quickly understood how he was even standing before them in the first place, and knew that their suspicions were true, that Handruck was the one behind the flyers, the rioters, and their being hostage. His company, already aware of Handruck’s plans, lead all six of the councilmen with the business ends of their weapons to the main balcony (which was absurdly large, even by government-funded standards), which overlooked the area where the crowd had gathered, which had swelled to more than at least 4 times its original size due to the arrival of the General only 10 minutes before-hand. Now shedding his overcoat, he pulled out a (non-electronic) megaphone and addressed the crowd before him. “Before I begin this address and hearing, just to make this clear; Yes, I, Ottic Uon Handruck, High General of the Blangridah army, am the initiator of this hostage crisis.” As expected, this caused a cofused outroar from the crowd, combined with a few obscenities thrown at the General, which he ignored. “The reason I have done this act, which would normally be viewed as a crime against the High Council which represents Blangridah, is to finally reveal the true committers of crime this day; The very councilmen themselves!” Again, this elicted outroars, composed slightly more of rage this time then before. “Now, before you all get your gloves in a twist, I must first present my argument: You, my fellow Huganites, are aware of the increases in taxes, penalties, and other such dues so far. While you knew it was harming your families and friends, you also knew they were doing nothing illegal, as it is the government’s job to set such prices. You also knew of their ravishing, dare I say obnoxious displays of wealth, with their exquisite structures of government, regal balls and parties, and their own personal possessions and luxuries. While you likely resented them, you knew also that they had done nothing “wrong”, and as such were not “deserving” of any sort of punishment. And they also tried to calm your thoughts by saying that this spending on behalf of the government was spent by the government for the government, to display the wealth and power of Blangridah. While I care dearly for our homestead, as I assume you all do, there is one issue I am bringing up at the moment: This spending was not of the government, but of the High Councilmen themselves! Alone, this statement is trivial, as in reality, the High Councilmen are the government, with the rest of its branches ultimately answering to them. But, hear my cry for why I say such things anyways: The money spent by the High Councilmen was not the government’s, but their own! Now, while you may say that this would actually make them out to be generous benefactors of the country, it is not the case, which is why I have my final reasoning: Their personal funds and the government’s funds were intertwined, and both under their firm control! The High Councilmen, which we had given the control of our fair Blangridah, have been spending her money, that which she had and that which we the people have given to her, as their own! It is embezzlement!” At this point of the speech, it was apparently too much for a certain person in the crowd, as he cried out “Blasphemy! Utter fabrication!” This time, Handruck took it personally, and ordered the crowd to silence and produce whoever shouted the remarks. Quickly, others of Handruck’s company still on the streets entered the rabble and brought forth a lawyer, their weapons loaded as they led him below where the General stood above. Handruck then questioned the reason for his outburst.

“I speak only as a humble lawyer; Unless you actually have proof of such crimes,” the lawyer shouted defiantly “your words are as valid as the beggar’s in the streets!”

“Partially enraged, he ordered one of his company to lend his helmet to him. He then produced papers from his own person, and bounded some of them to the helm. He then waved the package in the air. “Proof? You desire proof of their crimes?!? Here, see for yourself their misdoings! If law is truly your profession as you have said, then I would expect you to quickly deduce that I indeed have all the ‘proof’ I need!” With that, he dropped the helmet to the ground below, and instructed the company below to hand it to the lawyer.” “While he at first was smug when he began to scan their text, the lawyer became more and more grave as he began to read more and more of the page’s contents. “It… it can’t be…” he was heard mumbling. He then faced the crowd behind him and shouted to them “The General is telling the truth! The Councilmen have betrayed us!”” While this produced another outroar from the crowd, which was nearly half of the capital’s population by now, Handruck got their attention. “Yes! What he has said it true! Those among you that study and know law, come and look for yourselves! The papers I have given this man were the spending reports of the government for the last year! In them, it clearly shows where the money, your money, has gone: Toward the Councilmen and whatever their desires warrant! The reason that none of you have known this is because this information was kept under lock-and-key by law, the laws that they themselves set up. They hid the fact that they were spending the money you have given to the government for their own personal delight!” With this statement, those who supported the rioters among the crowd began to shout unkind remarks at the Councilmen. “Not only has this been a crime of horrenduous proportions, their effects on our land has been severe: Because of the manipulative arrangement of funds to themselves, they drained resources from vital parts of our country! Whole districts have been reduced to crumbling infrastructure because of them. The benefits of technology you enjoy in the capital that you have considered “vital” for many years are hardly, or even never, provided to those in the bordering districts of Blangridah, both those concerning military defense and needs of families. While they hide in thatch housing while enemy raiders burn their villages, the High Councilmen and whoever were in league with them dined in contentment on furnishings made of the finest metals and wood available with the resources that were supposed to go to those who actually needed it the most!” By now, majorities of the crowd were enraged at the Councilmen, and began demanding retribution."

“Now you all see what crimes they have committed!” bellowed Handruck. “And now, do you know what our laws require us to give?” The crown started to chant “Judgment! Trial! Judgment! Trial!” After making another gesture, two of the other riot leaders appeared behind Handruck, each carrying a few thick, long ropes, and both of them escorting a nervous committee judge that was occupying the building when it was invaded. “And that is what I precisely intend to do!” bellowed Handruck. “But… While I would relish the chance to dispense this justice myself, I am a Hugmonster of the law, so I must follow it accordingly. Fortunately, as judgement always seems to find a way, this man, whom we’ve found inside the building when we occupied it, is a judge himself! As his civic duty, he shall be the one to read of the crimes these traitors have committed, and sentence them accordingly.” Handruck then handed over the megaphone to the judge. “Try to speak up.” He whispered into the ear canal of the old judge, who was obviously very nervous about what he was going to do. “T-today..” the judge began “we are gathered here to witness the trial and, if the verdict is not overturned by the end of the trial, the sentencing of the entire High Council of Blangridah.” The judge then began from the left-most councilman, referring to the list of evidence and a official copy of the “Blangridah’s Conduct Guide for the Politically Neutral “ and went reading through each of their crimes. Fraud. Embezzlement. Illegal appropriation of government funds. Jay-walking. All and much more were named. And when the judge was finish announcing the crimes, he timidly announced “In conclusion, to each of these Hugmonsters, the punishment for the sum of all these crimes against the government, the society, and Blangridah itself amounts to.. execution b-by hanging… effective im-m-mediately.” With that, he hastely backed away from the podium, obviously not wanting to stay around for what was to come. One by one, as a rope was tied around the neck of a councilman, they were set upon the railing of the balcony, and then pushed off the side to hang in view of the jeering crowd. Some stayed silent, some started rambling insanely, and one even tried to make a “deal” to escape death. When they came to the last councilman, a diminutive Hugmonster of youthful age (for one of government, at least), he began to struggle and plead for mercy as they had placed the rope around his neck and began moving him toward the edge. “P-please! I’m asking- no, beg, I BEG YOU! I’m sorry! I’ll do anything. Jail time! Community service! A chunk of bowliumite to the face, anything! Just- please.. *sob* please don’t end me… *sob*” At this point, Handruck ordered his soldiers to back away from the councilmen. He then walked over to the short Hugmonster, picked him up by the neck, and held him over the ground and whispered in his ear with a grimace. “Do you see your fellow Hugmonsters? They are the ones that ultimately direct how Blangridah shall live. How it fights. How it dies. Since you have asked so… sincerely for your redemption, I shall let them decide if you shall receive a pardon.” He then held the councilman up a little higher and began to shout. “Fellow peoples of Blangridah! This councilman has asked for a pardon! He has stated plainly that he will do anything to avoid this particular punishment! I am asking you for your decision on the matter, as to whether this Hugmonster shall have life!.. or death!” Suddenly, the crowd hushed. It was not often that the opinion of the average Blangridah citizen was asked, let alone an official decision. The silence and hushed discussion amongst the mob went on for a minute or so. “Well?? What say you?!?” Handruck shouted impatiently, shaking the councilman a little. Suddenly, one voice from the crowd shouted “Death!”. While not as quickly as they had grown silent, the mob began to chant for the Hugmonster’s demise. The councilman twisted his horrified face back to meet Handruck’s, only for Handruck to reply with a sly shrug “Oh well.” With that, he casually dropped the councilman off the balcony, and the mob went wild with hoots, cheers, and hollers.”

“After that day, General Handruck sent his soldiers across the country to have any who were involved with the councilmen’s dealings tried and sentenced. The bodies of many lawyers, police, and other officials lay in the streets that week, “rotting away like their grip on Blangridah” as Handruck put it. With the councilmen and their supporters gone, Handruck was quickly swept into office by popular opinion, and declared “Hugrer”, essentially the last say in government and ultimate solo-leader of Blangridah. With his newly-acquired political power and his already-existing popularity, Handruck ordered for the restructuring of Blangridah to accommodate for the “coming improvements in society”. While many of these improvements, such as current-day technology, buildings, and etc. were provided, many war factories were built, and many of the people were drafted. While some people were not happy with this turn of events, Hugrer Handruck assured the country that this was needed to really protect Blangridah and her people, and those that still did not agree to be taken by officials for ‘questioning’.”

“Soon, a massive military force was under the command of Handruck, and thus the invasions began. With nicknames such as “The Blang-raiders” and “The Green Horde”, Blangridah’s forces quickly overcame its nearby neighbors. Handruck then ordered the military to arrange in maximal-defensive patterns along Blangridah territorial boundary, and for an extensive research program to be conducted on weapons, combat techniques, and anything that could be utilized by the military. 13 years later, after consulting on the progress of the scientist’s work, Handruck felt that it was time to initiate his first major plan, Operation “Greater Hug”, a military invasion effort that spanned the entire continent. Armed with vehicles and weapons the world had never seen before, the armies of Blangridah stormed across the countryside, opposing forces were sliced through like butter to Handruck’s knife of a military. Just shy of a year later, on stardate XX560, the entire continent was under the ”humble” leadership of Hugrer Handruck, Operation “Greater Hug” a complete success. He then ordered the “continent-state” of Blangridah to take up defensive positions, and prepped the scientific community to work on his newest plan, Operation “Greatest Hug”, the conquest of the entire globe. This plan involved vast navel improvements, and research into advanced artillery, including a propsed design for a “Bowliumite Bomb”, a detonation device capable of obliterating miles upon miles of land and Hugmonster-alike. Handruck felt that this extreme force would be vital in the conquest of the rest of the world, as other countries had become wary since the “Greater Hug” and began to form alliances by that time. But, before his plan could be put into action, Handruck was found dead in his office on the eve of stardate XX566, presumed to have been assassinated by an unknown assailant.”

“With their “humble” leader gone, Handruck’s own group of “councilmen” met to decide what to do. Before the assassination, other countries had contacted Handruck and the councilmen to discuss/plead for peace, instead of the war everyone knew was coming. With Hugrer Handruck in command, these were usually ignored at least, and returned with threats at most.”

“One morning, stardate XX567, an urgent message was sent to the councilmen of Blangridah, announcing an annual meeting of the world’s leaders and their request for Blangridah to ‘represent’. Usually, the yearly invitation would be met with a myriad of excuses as to why they couldn’t attend. But their excuses were getting stale, and they knew that they probably couldn’t hold off this meeting as they had before, so they began to set things into motion around Blangridah before confirming that they would be sending representatives to the meeting, a first in Hug-history. Unlike the previous times, the agenda subject was quite blunt: “The Last Straw”. Obviously, the councilmen knew that this would mostly be about the rest of the world’s disapproval of Blangridah’s military movements, believed to be in preparation of a global assault. In reality, the absence of a strict leader like Handruck was a cripple to the movements, a continuance of Operation ‘Greatest Hug’. Deadlines were being broken, details were being ignored, and lattes were being misordered. They only hoped that this meeting would be the last one they would ever need to attend, as they had one final trick up their sleeve for their bid for global domination, even if Operation ‘Greatest Hug’ would never come to fruitation.” “As the meeting was started, the Head Speaker stood to speak. “Before I begin, I must say that I am most appreciative that all of you were able to attend. Especially you, representatives of Blangridah, as I can suspect you have noticed.” Aside glances were made by most of the representatives attending, cautious about even looking at the Blangridah representatives the wrong way.””

““Now, normally, I would start meetings like this with the usual discussions about food, resources, and the like, but I think we really need to get to the point this year, so with all due-respect representatives, I think I shall skip them today.” Nobody even batted an eye to the comment.”

““Today, this meeting is going to discusse primarily about the recent movements of the Blangridah armies, and their threat to global stability. Representiatves of Blangridah, the rest of us know that forces of such size are not for defence, but for attack on a world-wide scale. Previous attempts to discuss plans for peace with the Councilmen of Blangridah have been met with no success. As such, I am sorry to say these movements cannot be dealt with peace offerings any longer. All the other nations have agreed to join a colition of forces and hughood to combat any threat to be perceived by you country’s military. If Blangridah does not comply to our requests for disbarment, we will initiate pre-emptive attacks on your land. Representiatives of Blangridah, please, I urge you to consider peace one more time. None of us want this sort of bloodshed, but we must defend ourselves.””

“Well, I guess that sums up what I’ve been meaning to say. The choice is up to you now, representatives of Blangridah. I really do hope you consider our final plea.”

“With extreme focus to not let a bead of sweat form on their heads, the Blangridah looked at each-other, and knew that it was now or never for their plan to work.”

“With extreme hesitance after standing up, the middle of their group began to speak. “In light of this statement, we, the representatives of Blangridah, have decided that this declared intention of war will not be ignored! …But.. we, being the ‘humble’ nation that we are, will offer an alternative to a global, bloody confrontation, with major losses on both sides, but mostly to yours. If all the countries that are represented here today, and even those who are not, will surrender all property, resources, military forces, and any other national holdings to the country of Blangridah, and align their patriotism under our flag, then we shall all avoid world-wide bloodshed and violence, and live in everlasting peace and prosperity.” Naturally, this didn’t sit well with everyone else at the meeting.”

“”…I.. are you joking??” replied the Head Speaker. “Don’t you know the situation you are in?! It’s war, sir, and there will be no surrender from us today!” With a small smirk, the Blangdridah representative replies “Really?.. Well, I would suggest that you keep a grip on your words, ladies and gentlemonsters, because we have a little, eh.. ‘demonstration’ that may help you decide on our generous proposal.” With a snap of his hand (historians are still in disarray on how this was even possible), a few of their lackies wheeled out a remote light projection unit, a modern marvel at the time, allowing for large-scale viewing of live television without a dedicated room. As the room darkens slightly and the machine flickers on, the Blangridah representative continues “If I am correct in that all of you have invested well in your espionage efforts, then you should be well-aware of our experimentations with bowliumite. It just so happens that we were planning to perform a live test of its capabilities today, which you will be able to witness to see its power in full light.” On screen, an aerial view of a dusty basin flickers on the screen, with a mock town erected in the center surrounded 2 miles from the center by a chain-link fence. Figures in striped uniforms are seen shambling around the streets. “We have placed a detonation unit in the middle of this area. In just a few moments, all of this on the screen will vanish, replaced by a charred, desolate surface. Needless to say; Don’t blink.” With that, he gives a few mumbled commands to one of the lackeys before turning back to face the other members, and the lackeys relay some commands to the facility via semi-mobile communication devices.”

“The Head Speaker, fuming at this point, responds “I shall have you know that we do know of your ‘secret weapon’, and we shall also have you know that we are not intimidated by something as simple as a-.. bomb…” Before he finishes his sentence, the Head Speaker’s face, along with the rest of the room’s faces, turns shade paler as the detonation occurs on the screen behind the Blangridah representatives. “Ah! So, now you realize the might you are up against! No one shall stand in our way! No.. one?...“ As the representative turns back to view the carnage caused by the bowliumite bomb however, he realizes why everyone is in such a dispositions: While the shockwave caused by the explosion had already obliterated the mock town and its imported ‘inhabitants’ as planned, the shockwave continued to spread outward with no loss of speed or power. In mere seconds, the shockwave traveled past the chain link boundary, built on an estimation of the detonation’s blast radius. Smashing warehouses, flipping tanks, and toppling radio towers, the shockwave had traveled not 2, but 20 miles in less than a minute. After a minute, the entire basin was enveloped by dust and a mushroom cloud, eventually disrupting the signal of the broadcast. In future investigations, the cause of this catastrophic event will be revealed as a combination of poor workmanship by the logistics engineers at the time and late-night shifts with no coffee breaks. While Handruck would have waited for a better, more-opportune moment to display a stable weapon, the representatives had rushed the completion of the project to meet the deadline of the meeting.”

“While utterly shocked at what had just happened, the representative quickly donned a smug composure, and acted as though it was all planned from the beginning. “So… members of this esteemed group; How about we go over our proposal again?”“

“Regardless of whether it was on purpose or accident, the display of power worked. Fearing that whoever would win the conflict would merely inherit a bleak, desolate, bowliumated rock of a planet, the other representatives fearfully agreed to begin negotiations with Blangridah. Merely one week after the meeting, all of Hugus were under the same flag, with all the major countries becoming mega-districts of sorts under the leadership of a global council compromised of the former leaders of said major countries, with Blangridah’s leaders being the most prominent. While those on top pushed agendas favorable to Blangdridah at first, due to the Hugmoster’s general society at the time, the predictable happened, with most of the councilmen dying over time from either assassination, sugar-overdose, or any other instance that wasn’t natural decay. Eventually, anyone with a certain region in mind was replaced with hugmonsters who merely had their own agendas in mind.” “All of Hugus was finally one people. A grumpy, morally-bankrupt, lethargic people.”

“In the centuries leading up to their first space-flight, and thus their entryway to galactic conquest, Hugus was smoggier than ever before. Not from the now-extinct swamps, but from the pools of factory waste that fills them. Hugus is in a post-boon state of industrialization, with bleak streets and bleaker paychecks. With nothing bigger than the occasional riot and mob raid to capitalize on, the war industries the countries had built-up before flopped. Not even the sweets market fared well, as prices on syrups used to sweeten the sweets skyrocketed due to decreasing land available to grow the plant necessary for producing syrup. The world was truly noir”

“On stardate XX665, their world was about to receive a colorful change, with Hug-kind’s first extra-hugestrial encounter with life beyond their own: Plastic-wrapped Twinkie-Rolls.”

“Hugus had for quite some time been free of disturbences from beyond its own orbit. The planet wasn’t especially attractive to travelers anyways, and the alien species who were observing the Hugmonster’s growth on Hugus apparently held a blockade on the planet from non-natives to keep it “au-naturale”. But cosmic phenomena however, whether synthetic or natural, have no concern for sentient decrees. (Because that would be silly, really. Could you imagine giving an asteroid a speeding ticket?) One such phenomena Hugus would encounter was the Trash-Sphere Gyre of Bregari, which was first created when, after returning from a glorious victory in the war over the Insertnameites, the Admiral Bregari ordered a spontaneous fleet-wide celebration party, but through a series of mishaps and shenanigans, including a ludicrous session of ‘Truth or Dare’ and ‘Pin the Arms on the Squadallion’, all 287 ships’ hulls were ripped to shreds by the tidal forces of a micro-black hole formed by the overload of the core reactor of the Admiral’s flagship. The millions upon millions of gallons of fruit punch were unrecoverable. Over time, the mobile black hole became a large porous sphere of various orbiting debris and more wrecked hulls, most of them frat-ships who wouldn’t know better than to try and fly through the corona of a red giant if it meant impressing ‘the ladies.’”

“When the Sphere passed through Hugus’ star system, the Hugmonsters witnessed a stunning meteor shower, which was bright enough to permeate the smog covering most of the planet. Various debris and hulls, however, one of them being an Otlab snack delivery shuttle, made it through the atmosphere partially-intact, and impacted on the surface of Hugus. While the debris decimated whatever area they landed in, the Hugmonsters were merely less-than-indifferent to their presence, as besides the riots and mob raids, they were the most exciting events that occurred at the time. With law enforcement more indifferent then the general population, these wrecks were scrounged over by whoever neared them, usually yielding interesting bits of oddly-shaped metal but nothing more. One discovery, however, would rock the headlines, and have others follow in its footsteps.”

“As a tabloid “Tell-All” article claims, Hugdan McHuganson, who was a down-on-his-luck baker and amateur chemist, that decided to scrounge about with some others on a wreck (called a “smash” back then, due to having smashed whatever it landed on) that appeared near his block. While others found metal as usual, Hudan found something much-less smoldered under the rubble: a colorfully-colored box, adorned with oddly-colored artwork on its sides that resembled Hugmonsters disfigured from birth. Like any good scrounger worth his sticky glove-hands when he finds something worthwhile, he stuffed the box under his overcoat and casually left the area to avoid getting unwanted attention. Back as his store, Hugdan drew the blinds and went to work figuring out what this mysteriously-alluring package was. (and why it was smelling so good)”

“After tracing the artwork for later reference, he carefully cut along the edges of the box to reveal its innards, which happened to be “six fluffy, golden-brown sausages, coated in a tasteless transparent skin similar to a persistent bubble”. Delving further to discover the innards’ innards, he cautiously slit the plastic covering the Twinkie-Roll. With “the force of 10,000 young Hugmonsters in a footrace for a lollipop”, the delicious, copyrighted smell of delectable sweet slammed into the smell-holes of Hugdan, nearly toppling him over on the spot. “I instantly knew this was something incredible”, Hugdan noted in the interview, “which meant that, 1: ’I could make a lot of money off of this.’, and 2: ‘Someone would probably kill me to get this.’” Fearing for the best and the worst, he double-locked his doors and windows, and moved the items down to the basement where nobody would notice the aroma.”

“”If the walls hadn’t been made of stone and weren’t underground” Hugdan quipped, “I may have well punched though them when I placed one of those pieces of delight from Hugeaven in my mouth. They were that good. It took all the willpower I had, plus some passive-aggressive encouragement from a plank of wood, to not instantly consume the rest of them.” Hugdan then began to tirelessly attempt to reverse-engineer the elements that made up a Twinkie-Roll. After months of trial and error and with only two Twinkie-Rolls left (“I would have eaten them even if they were entirely covered in mold”, he mentioned), he finally managed to decipher the main ingredient of their awesome flavor: Sugar. Using some cheap chemicals taken from a “My First Chemical Burn” kit, he managed to alchemize them into the same substance. Then began the baking..”

“”The baking was the most memorable for me. That sweet, wafty aroma, the warm temperatures, sometimes I do a little hobby baking myself on a whim, instead of letting the chefs do it for me. At first, to see if it wasn’t an illusion, I slipped the sugar into a batch of huggle dumplings, which were never very tasty in the first place, which was perfect for my tests. After finally getting someone to buy them, the very next day that same customer returned with an exasperated look on her face. “All of them.” she sputtered. “I want whatever huggle dumpling you have. Make more if you have to! Even if I’m just going mad, I MUST HAVE MORE!!” With that, my confidence grew, and after putting sugar into some other foods, and then observing my increasing profits, I knew it wasn’t just me. I also knew that if I kept this up, someone with a lot more power than me would take notice, and snatch up my success before I could blink.””

““..’Did I look to the authorities for protection?’ Do I look daft? Sir, out of anyone, you would know most that the authorities we know are as caring as an old feline, secure as a pocket with holes, and as money-grubbing as a hobo. No no, no cops, I went to visit a mob boss in my area.””

““Due to not wanting a hole in my head, I can’t tell you who or where I met with the him, but I can tell you that after hearing my proposal, and tasting my wares, they were more than happy to offer extra-special “protection” to my store. (Either they, or someone else would have come eventually, so I figured I might as well make the first move) While there was the occasion attempted break-in, the goons posted nearby made swift work of the knuckleheads. And quickly enough, due to my increasing income, I had the means to build a factory.”“ ““By that time, I was pretty well-known in the area. I kept getting calls asking about my “secret” on how I got to be so rich. Most of them were actually threats, but those usually got screened out anyways. I eventually got to building other factories, and by that time, “Hugdan”-brand sweets were a land-wide sensation. After 39 years in the business though, I grew tired of actually running the business, and when I gained what I considered to be enough to retire from working full-time, I moved to this estate, where I could live out my life-long dream of bathing daily in money.””

“After the date of that article, Hugdan McHuganson lived another 24 years before passing away, surprisingly dying of natural causes. (obesity, if you were wondering) In that time, the formula to the wonder known as sugar was leaked, and the globe began a mass sugar-coated economic revival. The government also has taken notice of Hugdan’s work, and after the publishing of the article, others would try to raid as much as possible from the smashes before they were fenced off by officials claiming various nothings like “swamp gas leaks”. The world leaders, obviously, wanted to figure out the causes behind the discovery of sugar, and if anything else like it could be obtained. Smashes were quickly contained and transported to select facilities around the globe to be dissected, observed, and tested. This time was not only an economic revival, but a scientific one as well. Microbeam ovens, credit cards, sitcoms; though they were claimed to have been homegrown, they were all derived from the smashes. But for some reason, they avoided discussing the origin of these ‘smashes’, what they really were.”

“That ‘some reason’ was, at the basis of their theories, whether it was time-traveling debris, cosmic deitiec forces, or other intelligent life, they knew for sure that it wasn’t from them, and they hated that. The Hugmonster’s fierce xenophobic tendencies lent toward the intolerance of extra-terrestial discussion in public, the persecution of E.T. experts, anything that would give the public good reason to believe that something else was out there. The reasoning behind this aggression was never clearly described, but there are hints throughout records that personal feelings amongst higher officials were involved. Whether for noble or (more likely) sinister reasons, this massive government cover-up of something ‘beyond’ Hugus, while efficiently executed, would not be able to last against the largest piece of evidence yet, one that was hidden right in their orbit all along..”

“Ironically, while claiming no existence of life beyond the planet, Hugmonster scientists worked daily at figuring out where all this stuff was coming from, and who sent it. Massive amounts of government money was being poured into research, exploration of theories, and security to make sure nothing leaked out. Imagine then, 72 years later, a collective face-palm amongst the leading government experts when they discovered a cloaked vessel in an asteroid orbiting the planet, simply a few hundred-thousand miles from the populace (they had already had basic knowledge of cloaking technologies, also derived from smashes) They knew that, with the predicted dawning of orbital mining in the future, an object like this would be impossible to hide, let-alone fund such a task. If the time of avoiding the truth was over, then another method of dealing with it was needed, and soon.”

“It was plastered all over the news 3-and-a-half years later: “ALIEN ABBREVIATION! GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS ANNOUNCE CLEAR EVIDENCE OF OUTER-SPACE LIFE!” Leaders across the globe echoed the news to their peons, and their peons to the populace: One year ago, they claimed, plans were completed of constructing and deploying manned scouting vessels to the craft. Oddly, officials also proclaimed that since there were indeed ‘people’ aboard this craft, a joyous welcoming ceremony would be planned. With the public in an unusual-but-giddy buzz, work was quickly completed on ‘celebratory welcoming procedures’ in little-over a year, largely due to substantial government subsidies and other such aid, which hadn’t been seen since Handruck’s restructuring of Blangridah centuries ago, and even then it paled in comparison to what was happening now. But, it seemed that the past was finally behind the Hugmonsters, and a new beginning was approaching, one that oddly seemed a brighter, more cheerful shade of green then was the norm. And it was all to start with the largest orchestral/choir/polka band hand-picked by the government ever to be launched into space to greet foreign beings.”

“It is now Stardate XX780, beginning of the year, official date of the first-ever ‘Extra-Terrestrial Welcoming Palooza’. The shuttle containing the musical group, garbed in ceremonial Hugmonster clothing, approaches the unknown vessel, to which the shuttle’s size dwarfed in comparison. To the surprise of those watching from terrestrial televisions, the vessel simply opened what appeared to be its bay doors, nothing in the slightest even appearing to be aggressive action. When the shuttled had landed and unloaded its passengers, they were greeted by tall, gangly-limbed creatures, who if not for shoddy subtitling, would have been speaking complete gibberish to the viewing audience of Hugus. Once the leader of the shuttle addressed the formed crowd of beings, a representative stepped forward from them, calling her kind the ‘Eonvoueidge’. She explained to glassy-eyed Hugmonsters everywhere of why they were orbiting Hugus, and expressed their delight at how wonderful it was that the Hugmonster species turned into such outstanding, jolly beings so quickly, all with only indirect E.T. contact. Once her speech was over, the leader addressed the conductor and band to set-up. Once they were ready, the conductor lifted his baton, and they began the intro to a song created for this event:”

“For welcome in joy, to our humble home, where green is our wah-afty swaaamp! Like bundled bok choy, where space is you roam, we sing for you now with much pooomp!”

“Once they had completed the intro, the songs began with great vigor. Strong were the cellists, bold were the vocalists, and quirky were the kilt-dancers. But just as they were getting the bagpipe solo, the conductor suddenly seized his chest, and fainted on the spot. Seemingly concerned with their conductor’s wellbeing, the band stopped the music (much to the dismay of the bagpipeist) and quickly huddled around their fallen leader. A medical unit rapidly appeared from the shuttle to asses why the conductor had lost conciseness. When they examined him on the ground, they found what appeared to be a small dart lodged in his chest, one that was foreign to any Hugmonster design. Upon seeing this, band members quickly began pointing gloves at the Eonvoueidge. Cries of “murderers!” and “backstabbing cowards!” suddenly began amongst the band members. And as quickly as the cries began, they began to disrobe, revealing weapons upon weapons strapped beneath their garments. (except for the bagpipeist, who was stilled bummed about not doing his solo) With warcries abound, all 129 band members (except, again, for the bagpipeist, who had sulked off to the shuttle by now) rushed the Eonvoueidge with fire in their eyes. It was at this point, the live broadcast to Hugus was interrupted due to technical difficulties, and for two hours children everywhere had to bear the agonizing pain of watching Huggy O’ Lotsa PSA’s for the next two hours until the signal had returned. Instead of continuing with the bagpipe solo, an announcer declared that the Eoncoueidge had shot the couductor with a destabilizing dart of sorts, and that the band members had heroically retaliated to this unprovoked attack on Music itself. 3 more hours would pass until further news was said on the matter.”

“In reality, the truth was much more devious. Taking an exception at ignoring the past, the Hugmonster military devised an attack plan that was a variation of the ancient strategist, Koolasuch. Predicting that that the Eoncoueidge would know any of their more modern plans and habits, a surprise move of non-hostility was thought to catch them off-guard. And while being outmatched in technology, the Hugmonsters easily gained control of the ship due to having reserve warriors hidden in the shuttle’s hull. (which was oddly not scanned by the Eoncoueidge) With their numbers, they were easily able to overpower the skeleton crew of the craft, which, while being sufficient for functions such as evo-watching, wasn’t suited for defensive measures. While government skeptics blew their horns over this alleged ‘retaliation’ measure, horns that loud rarely last long under a government such as theirs.”

“In the aftermath, they were able to take control of the vessel, which was christened the ‘Bederft’ by the government, although a more popular nickname was the ‘Big Geplakt’, due to Hugmonster engineers not being able to figure out the navigation systems, thus having to leave it sitting in the asteroid belt instead of moving it closer to Hugus for easier study. There was also a large amount of devices that were unable to be accessed, including what they assumed to be, but never bothered to confirm, data storage modules containing observations of their species by the Eoncoueidge evo-watchers, which was later rediscovered by Sporediana Jonez. Nevertheless, they did gain a vast amount of technological components, blueprints, and other such spoils from the vessel. (they were also introduced to the galactic phenomena of labeling pictures of feline creatures with captions, at least before the Galactanet subscription on the Bederft expired) With their first major non-terrestrial (excluding orbital) venture deemed a success, the Hugmonster species set its sights on the stars above..”

“With probes having confirmed of a viable target planet to conquest, the Hugmonster’s first intergalactic invasion was nearly ready. The new ships were built, the troops were trained, their weapons were manufactured (although they still planned to be known for their deadly, deadly hugs), and the approval by the newly-formed Council of Hugs, all that was needed was a date. The 6th day of Hugtober was chosen for historical significance due to it being the day the first important ships set out from the ancient city of Hughon to seek out new lands. (although they clearly made sure that this was going to be more significant then that silly event way-back-when) The planet’s location was found out by using a interstellar map aboard the Bederft. While not containing much for usefulness pertaining to resources or existing structures, since the planet’s only intelligent inhabitants were early-Tribal Proefions, who lived solely on plants alone, the planet was mainly to be used as a test of a Hugmonster’s ability to land, surivive, and fight on other worlds. If they, on the off-chance did not survive, their replacement would be easy, and retaliation from the natives would be little-more than annoying. The planet, which according to the Bederft’s maps was called Naakt, would also serve well as a launch-pad to a much more fertile and useful planet three times the distance away as Naakt was from Hugus, what would be later known as Quoncurdia. Quoncurdia was a world with vast resources, at least according to records abord the Bederft, as probes could not be sent that far away from Hugus. It was also home to a vast civilization of warrior-creatures who had just begun their Civ stage. Large, stepped pyramids littered their junglescape, and spikes of all kinds were more then available. While some troops got nauseation from the lower-gravity on Naakt, the ‘invasion’ went more like a bug hunt. The smooth surface allowed little complication of building superstructures, and its relatively-clear orbit would do well for launching craft into space. Quoncurdia was just in the distance.”

“After launching their 7-cruiser-strong fleet on a route to Quoncurdia, the rest would have been relatively simple. The cruisers would each land near one of the 8 largest cities and raze it, and then they would all converge on the largest city between them, and then establish their rule from there. The native ‘Neisterks’, as they were nicknamed, would serve no purpose, so they were to be killed and their corpses eventually disposed of by fire. It was so simple, that it actually went according to plan. Except that part about the NSCP (Non-Stellar Civilization Protocol) enforcers arrived on the scene. The NSCP is charged with protecting and preserving the way of life of non-stellar empires. They arrived after the Bederft did not respond within their agreed timeframe to renew the Eoncoueidge’s evo-watching contract. While on-route to Hugus, they spotted the Hugmonster fleet in the aftermath of their battle on Quoncurdia. While they attempted to disable their forces from orbit, the Hugmonster’s cruisers were enough to repel their attacks, even while parked on the surface. With little hope for saving the Quoncurdia that moment, the NSCP fleet withdrew, and after a hostile conversation with the Council of Hugs in the future, many more skirmishes would follow due to disregard for the NSCP’s jurisdiction. The 200 years that followed led to many victories by the Hugmonsters, and just as many enemies being made. With their might, the species known as the Hugmonster made a cruel, galactic name for itself.”

“Even today, after all the information we have about the Hugmonsters, they are still a great mystery. What compels them to such ferocity? How could the average Hugmonster bend solid steelium? What do they do on the weekends? (certainly not bowling) Spordiana Jonez made a huge impact on our knowledge of this dangerous species, but it only scratches the surface of what there really is to know. Even now, the knowledge we’ve recovered it being poured through, and new discoveries are found every day! Maybe someday, a cure to our way of life known as “The Green Terror” will be found…”

“And that concluds our documentary of the Hugmonsters. This program was paid-in-part by trusted people like yourselves. Every amount counts toward making our future a brighter one! Tune in tomorrow for a sneak-peak at our newest sitcom “Macrulb in the Middle”, only on the HK netw-“

At this point, you decide to turn off the holoviewer. *yawn* Boy, how long did that ‘mock’-umentary last for? (heheh, you’re such a card) …Sweet Spode, its already noon! That thing lasted at least, like, twenty hours! You wonder if the government will really get rid of holoviewers and stuff. Who knows…